I have applied to run the London Marathon in 2008, the charity I am hoping to run for is Get Kids Going! a unique, national charity that gives disabled children and young people the wonderful opportunity of participating in sport.

I hope that as loyal readers of my blog you will be sponsoring me. I began my training last night by sitting on my arse, drinking beers, and watching Kill Bill – Part 1, which has inspired me to purchase a yellow tracksuit.

Pete Graham xXx

Anyone watching Hollyoaks this week will have seen excellent examples of the Hanky Panky Rule 2 and Baby Rule 1 where Louise has got herself knocked up and it looks like the father is Warren not PC Calvin.

How big a chump is Calvin? I think he’s the 2^nd most boring character after Jake. Warren is probably my favourite character at the moment, I think he’s the best Hollyoaks bad guy since Rob Hawtorn. Does anyone else find Warrens sister really annoying?

Pictured above Warren Fox: Helluva Lad!

Pete Graham xXx

Many fans of this blog have expressed a dissatisfaction about the lack of Graham’s laws recently. The last thing I want to do is upset my loyal fans so here’s one for you all.
Graham’s 13th law was discovered by Pete Graham and Juilian E. Prestoon Esquire in the early Naughties. It states that if an individual is seen sporting a facial hair and spectacles that they are also highly likely to be wearing sandals accompanied by socks.

Below is photographic proof, much more proof can be seen here.

Pete Graham xXx

What ever happened to Son of Dork? Ticket Out of Loserville was a brilliant song!

Pete Graham xXx

It’s been a while since my last rules of soaps article, but I’ve been doing a lot of soap watching recently and have observed some interesting new rules.

Hanky Panky Rule 1 – STD Rule
If you’re having an affair or you have nookie with someone you shouldn’t you are 8 times more likely to get a sexually transmitted disease than normal. Once you have the disease you’re also very likely to accidentally pass it onto everyone in your family with hilarious consequences.

Hanky Panky Rule 2 – Conception Rule
This is a variation on ‘Hanky Panky Rule 1’: if you’re having an affair you are 12 times more likely to get pregnant than normal. If you’re a school girl and have sex you are 17 times more likely to get pregnant; don’t worry if this happens you can just claim you’re fat for 9 months then let your mum/aunt/big-sister pretend it’s her baby for 16 or so years.

Baby Rule 1 – Paternity Rule
If you do get pregnant you never know who the father is, of course the sensible thing would be to do a paternity test, but in soap-land people think it’s more fun just to guess! What I’d love to see is a soap-chatshow crossover where the members of Hollyoaks could go on the Jeremy Kyle show. FACT: If ever made this would be the greatest program in the world!

Baby Rule 2 – Car Rule
If a baby is left in the back of a car that car is 19 times more likely to be stolen than another car. The thieves will not realise there’s a baby in the back and will abandon the car once they notice.

That’s all for now soap fans, more rules of soaps coming soon. As always if you have noticed any rules yourself add them to the comments section.

Pete Graham xXx

When did they change the Neighbours credits? Could have been a while ago as I normally fast-forward them, at least they haven’t messed about with them too much, unlike the new raunchy Hollyoaks credits! Personally I find them a bit too much, with all the dancing and wind machines. I normally have to take a lie down after I’ve watched them.

Pete Graham xXx

If you wet a duck with a water Pistol would it be annoyed?

Pete Graham xXx

I’d been getting into my running quite recently, so much so that I’d bought some new trainers and was contemplating running the London Marathon in 2008. Tragically, this may never happen as I managed to aggravate my long-standing knee injury last Saturday.

I was hanging out at Hell, Wolverhampton’s premier emo club, I decided to attempt a jumping scissor-kick. The kick was amazing, undoubtedly the greatest dance-move pulled off that night, apparently it made me look much like a young Davey Havok! Unfortunately on landing, I slipped on the dance floor, my left knee gave way and buckled beneath me.

The most upsetting thing is that no-one videoed it, if they had I could have gained world wide fame on YouTube by now, or at least have got featured on You’ve Been Framed. Pictured below Johnny Borrell from Razorlight practicing some Kung-Fu.

I am going to attempt some weight lifting at the gym tonight but think any running is out of the question for the next few weeks, at least. Any suggestions for potential hobbies, would be appreciated in the meanwhile.

Pete Graham xXx

Last week I managed to get my grubby hands on some of the limited edition Guinness Marmite, which is available at the moment. Now it is quite similar in taste to the original spread, however being a Man of Science I was curious to find out, could I correctly identify the difference between the spreads in a taste test.

As a bank holiday weekend activity Kit Graham, Marmite Enthusiast, and I setup this experiment. Identical pieces of toast were prepared one was spread with Guinness Marmite and the other with ‘Classic’ Marmite.

I had my initially hunches which was the Guinness marmite; one piece of toast seemed to be slightly darker in colour, but this could just be a trick of the light, the real test would be in the eating! Both myself and Kit were able to correctly identify the different varieties of Marmite, the Guinness variety has a smoother flavour and isn’t as sharp on the pallet as the classic version of the spread.

In conclusion I would say that Guinness Marmite is a welcome edition to the Marmite family, although I think you’re hard pushed to beat the original. With it’s smoother flavour you probably need slightly more Marmite than you’re used to using making it a slightly less economic option.

Pete Graham xXx

WWE Superstar, Stone Cold Steve Austin wastes beer! Why can’t he just drink it like a normal person instead of poring it down his face? Why hasn’t anyone ever mocked him for this?

Pictured above Austin ‘drinking’ a beer.

Pete Graham xXx