If you have any pictures of animals with Emo haircuts send them to me and I’ll get them up on this blog straight away, I’ve been having trouble finding many.

Talking about Emo I was quite amused last night to see Hollyoaks use the My Chemical Romance song Teenagers as their opening track, they haven’t used the Hollyoaks classic One Way or Another by Blondie for a while, I’m looking forward to when that’s used again.

Pete Graham xXx

How big a chump is Calvin? I think he’s the 2^nd most boring character after Jake. Warren is probably my favourite character at the moment, I think he’s the best Hollyoaks bad guy since Rob Hawtorn. Does anyone else find Warrens sister really annoying?

Pictured above Warren Fox: Helluva Lad!

Pete Graham xXx

Pete Graham xXx

House Rule 1 – Adoption Rule
In soap land it seems that people seem to be able to adopt children at a drop of the hat. Often people adopt other people’s children for very sketchy reasons. No adoption papers are even signed and the kids just move straight in. Great examples of this are Susan Kennedy and Harold Bishop from neighbours both of which have adopted over one hundred children. Is no-one even slightly suspicious why an old man enjoys having young boys living in his house so much?

House Rule 2 – Tardis
With all these Children moving in you’d wonder where there’s space for them all. The Neighbours script writers cunningly get around this by rarely showing any other rooms rather than the (joint) living-room kitchen. With the viewer blissfully unaware of the size of the house, it can magically grow or shrink to suit its inhabitants.

House Rule 3 – Ownership
Its often very unclear who owns which houses in Soaps, even when it is known completely random people will end up living in peoples homes. A good example is Jenae and the whole Timmins family living at Lyn and Joe Scully’s house in Neighbours.

I’ve no idea who is supposed to own “Beckers Flat” in Hollyoakes:

• Jake is unemployed with a baby so is unlikely to be paying the mortgage
• Becker is in prison for being a paedo
• Nancy is a school girl without a job
• In fact the only person who could have been paying the rent is the comedy stripper character and he left the other day.

At a guess I’d say maybe Tony owns it as he owns most other things.

Radio Station Rule(s)
A short but incredibly true rule, if there is a college radio station absolutely everyone in the soap will listen to it. Even people that have nothing to do with the College, will fanatically listen to the station every time its on.

I’d like to congratulate all the readers who have contributed their own rules of soaps so far, let’s have any other ones you have added to this post. Here are links to Rule of Soaps Part 1 and Part 2 encase you missed them.

Pete Graham xXx

Door Rule: People will open the front-door to leave when someones about to knock on the door to come in thus preventing an awkward scenario with just one actor in the room.

Addiction Rule: You can become an alcoholic or develop a drug habit in a staggeringly short amount of time, you can also recover amazingly quickly and never relapse. See Karl Kennedy, Kataya and Stingray from Neighbours and O.B from Hollyoaks for examples.

Relative Rule: Mystery relatives who have never been mentioned before often just turn up “to see how people are” they then end up moving in and becoming regular characters. Horse faced Ned from Neighbours and Tony’s brother in Hollyoaks are recent examples.

Job Rule: It seems hardly anyone interviews for a job, they just get offered one out of the blue and start the same day. Also no-one ever has to write a CV or provide references from previous employers. The only exception to this is when the script writers want to run a hilarious interview scene as was seen with the new girl in Neighbours being interviewed by Susan a few weeks ago.

I was slacking on my Neighbours watching last week but I’m going to try and commandeer the Telly tonight and catch up with my viewing. Expect more rules soon soaps fans and remember to add your own rules to the comments section.

Pete Graham xXx

Break-up Rule: “I never want to see you again” This actually means I’m angry and we wont make up until next episode. Also “We’re breaking up for good” often means we’ll break up until next episode. See Russ and Mercedes from Hollyoaks for a recent example of this.

Prison Rule 1 – Same Cell: If anyone two people from a soap are in prison at the same time they are bound to be in the same wing of the same prison. Often they will even get to share a cell. Recent examples are Becker and Jacqui McQueen from Hollyoaks. Older examples are when Lou and Darcy from Neighbours got put in the same cell (Darcy had grown a goatee because that’s what people do in prison).

Pictured above Darcy without a goatee.

Prison Rule 2 – One in One Out: Neighbours seems to operate a one in one out policy on prisons and Darcy was released after sharing his cell with Lou for a few weeks. Roco is currently in prison so next time someone goes down he’ll probably be allowed out.

Moving and Coma Rule: If any one moves away but continues to get scene’s (i.e. they are filmed on the phone to a character still in the soap), they are bound to return. Also if anyone is ever put into a Coma it’s guaranteed they will wake-up in a few months time.

Please add your own Soap Rules to the comments section. There will be more Soap Rules next week!

Pete xXx