Many fans of this blog have expressed a dissatisfaction about the lack of Graham’s laws recently. The last thing I want to do is upset my loyal fans so here’s one for you all.
Graham’s 13th law was discovered by Pete Graham and Juilian E. Prestoon Esquire in the early Naughties. It states that if an individual is seen sporting a facial hair and spectacles that they are also highly likely to be wearing sandals accompanied by socks.

Below is photographic proof, much more proof can be seen here.

Pete Graham xXx

Quite simply if your at a gig or listening to some music and start thinking to yourself “ooohh that’s a bit loud” then you are officially old and not down with the kids any more, go get yourself a pipe and slippers granddad.

This rule also works in a 2nd more subtle way. When you get extremely old you often start to go deaf and have the TV on super loud. So if your listening to Coronation Street on full blast then its highly likely your too old.

Pictured above Charles Darwin, he was an old man.

• FACT: Charles Darwin was lived in Shrewsbury
• FACT: They have built a bizarre monument in Shrewbury called Darwin’s gate which caused controversy with the locals
• FACT: Posh people pronounce Shrewsbury Shrowse-bury
• FACT: Old Folk are useless they can’t use computers

Pete Graham xXx

I was speaking Oliver May last night, here is an extract of the conversation from me and the bespectacled Harry Potter look-alike went like:

Olly: Pete, I have been enjoying your blog a lot recently
Pete: Why thank you Maylord
Olly: Yes since I am a jobless bum I read it everyday
Pete: Its nice to hear that your a regular reader Oliver. But are you aware many highly successful young professionals read my blog everyday and hold down demanding executive positions?
Olly: Hhhhmmm, I thought the Wolphin thing was good however surely the Liger joke is getting a bit old now.
Pete: Joke! Ligers are no joke, how dare you!
Olly: What you mean they are real? I presumed those photo’s were Photoshop-ed
Pete: The Liger is as real as you or me, those photos are 100% genuine.

Any way this conveniently leads me onto Graham’s 7th Law which Mr May clearly wasn’t aware of:

If its on the Internet then it must be true!

Now throughout the course of history a few foolish individuals have attempted to break this sacred digital law and published non-factual information onto the Net, a most heinous crime. However everytime this has happened the Internet Police have caught the culprit within minutes, the punishment for this crime is normally death, or on rare occurrence’s the criminal is sent back to before civilisation began.

• FACT: Civilisation began in 1779 when the worlds Ironbridge was constructed
• FACT: The Ironbridge located in Ironbridge, Shropshire is the first Ironbridge in the world
• FACT: The Ironbridge is made of Iron

Click here for an explaination of Graham’s 4th Law.

Pete Graham xXx

Graham’s 4th law states that objects coloured red in appearance are capable of achieving potentially higher velocities than the same object with a non-red appearance. In layman’s terms: Red things are helluva fast!

Sports-car makers are well aware of Graham’s 4th law which is why sports cars are often painted red.

Above a picture of a red Toyota Corolla.

Video Game programmers try and emulate real life physics in their games to increase a games realism and create a greater sense of immersion. Because of this you find that red characters/vehicles in video games are often fastest. Fans of Nintendo futuristic racing game F-zero will of course know that King Meteor’s Craft the Super Arrow was by far the fastest Craft in the game.

Graham’s 4th law is not exclusive to Vehicles, Speed Metal guitarists often play red axes as it enables them to play faster solo’s.

Above is a picture of Kerry King of Slayer playing a red axe, apologies for the smallness of the photo but he’s so fast he’s difficult to photograph.

Pete Graham xXx