Beer and BBQ enthusiast Stuart Graham wrote to me at the weekend explaining the mysterious lack of Grolsch which has been affecting the Ironbridge area recently. After much investigation I’ve discovered what caused this. Readers with a nervous dispositions may want to look away, the image below is highly upsetting and traumatic.

Pete Graham xXx

Just before Christmas I had an excellent night out at the Bavarian Beerhouse in London (it’s near Old Street tube station). I was going to post the photo’s of the evening over Christmas but due to my lack of broadband I couldn’t

The venue itself is very exciting you get sat at large benches where the staff come and take your drink orders. All the staff are dressed in authentic Bavaraian costumes which means lederhosen for the men and odd cleavagey dresses for the ladies.

Above is a picture of me with one of the wench’s waitresses. Because it was busy we got sat with some random Australian chaps. When we got chatting we found one of them worked for Google, I hilariously gave him the nickname of GoogleBoy. GoogleBoy quickly became the figure of mockery for everyone at the table (the Maylord, our normal figure of mockery had got in a strop and gone home before anyone got to the Beerhouse). Below is a picture of me and GoogleBoy. GoogleBoy is the one with GoogleBoy written on his head.

Food can also be bought at the beerhouse, they do a giant platter of euro-sausages for £90. I offered to pay for this if Daniel Gebreiter could finish it on his own, Dan is renound for being a sausage monster. Upsettingly Dan was not willing to take up this offer.

The range of Beers is impressive they have different varieties of Erdinger, Paulaner and Warsteiner all on tap. The beers can be bought in half litre or litre “stein” glasses. Be warned once the staff realise your starting to get drunk they’ll attempt to sell you Jagermeister shots with each round of beers, I fell for this trick nearly everytime.

Later in that evening myself and Dan headed off to the “After School” indie disco due to the amount of beer and jage that had been consumed I can hardly remember anything about going.

Pete Graham xXx

After weeks of intensive research my highly dedicated team of scientist have managed to reverse engineer Becks Vier to discover its four ingredients. Brace yourselves the ingredients are:

• Piss
• Shit
• Blood
• Cum

Below if a picture of my face on receiving this starling news.

Now that I know the secret of the ingredients I plan to start brewing my own version of the larger over Christmas, it shall be named Becks Pierre.

Pete Graham xXx

I managed to get my hands on some pints of Bock on Tap at the Selkirk in Tooting on Friday night. Bock Artois is a 6.2% super-premium larger which completes the Atrois Tri-force of Peeterman Artois and Classic Stella. Bock Artois is a drink shrouded in mystery and urban myth so I would like to confirm a few facts about it.

FACT: Bock is a dark larger somewhat similar in flavour to Duvell
FACT: Drinking Bock is guaranteed to send you turbo! And should only be attempted under the supervision of a responsible adult

Below is a festive photo of me wearing a cardigan with a pint of Bock.

FACT: Chicks dig cardigans

Pete xXx

Recently I’ve been reading Pete M Grahams blog (he’s not me), on it he reports that coke are planning to release a new product called Coke Blāk. This new beverage will be a cross between traditional coke and coffee. Its aimed at a more mature/sophisticated/maylordian market. Oh and its going to have twice the caffeine of normal coke so is bound to send you turbo!

As many of you are aware I have officially declared Carling C2 the worst drink ever. Recently my obsession with C2 has been growing and I have developed a hatred with any product bearing the name C2. A few years ago Coke released a product called C2 apparently this was rubbish too, I see a pattern emerging! While researching Coke C2 I stumbled upon this site: theimpulsivebuy.com, it’s a quasi-product-review-site that does quasi reviews of rubbish products.

One of their reviews I particularly enjoyed was the one for the McDonalads McRib, surprisingly this is also rubbish, the photo they have makes it look absolutely disgusting!

• FACT: The McRib contains no actual Ribs just a flabby piece of pork
• FACT: It’s rumoured that Freddie Mercury and Prince both had ribs removed so they could suck their own todgers
• FACT: Freddie Mercury had a Moustache

Pete Graham xXx