Not only is the new Carling C2 advert for an absolutely terrible product but it’s officially the worst advert I’ve ever seen in my life! In the advert a Robot that looks similar to R2D2, but not similar enough for George Lucas to sue, goes into a Robot bar. We’ll call this robot C2D2 although in the ad he’s called something crap like X2000.

The R2D2 lookalike orders a C2 circuit board; apparently robots drink circuit boards not liquids. The bar goes silent, the other Robots are probably thinking “who’s this robosexual”. C2D2 then smugly announces “Yeh that’s right, half the strength, tastes great, and I like it”. The other robots then return to what they were doing and a television screen shows the slogan “C2 also available as larger”.

Thankfully I’m not the only person to realise how bad this advert is, a full write-up on it can be found over on TV’s Worst Adverts. If you’re one of the lucky ones that hasn’t seen the ad yet then you can see this atrocity over on youtube. Here’s a link to my last advert watch. If you like robots then you might like my Top 7 robots list.
Pete Graham xXx

Just checked my statistics for this blog and lots of the people reading it have been coming through the Google Image search, so expect lots more photos to be appearing on this blog soon.

I dyed my hair black last week so here are some recent photos of me:

Brooding Shot of yours truly

Tasty Black and White Number

Pete Graham Pouting

Anyone watching Hollyoaks this week will have seen excellent examples of the Hanky Panky Rule 2 and Baby Rule 1 where Louise has got herself knocked up and it looks like the father is Warren not PC Calvin.

How big a chump is Calvin? I think he’s the 2^nd most boring character after Jake. Warren is probably my favourite character at the moment, I think he’s the best Hollyoaks bad guy since Rob Hawtorn. Does anyone else find Warrens sister really annoying?

Pictured above Warren Fox: Helluva Lad!

Pete Graham xXx

Many fans of this blog have expressed a dissatisfaction about the lack of Graham’s laws recently. The last thing I want to do is upset my loyal fans so here’s one for you all.
Graham’s 13th law was discovered by Pete Graham and Juilian E. Prestoon Esquire in the early Naughties. It states that if an individual is seen sporting a facial hair and spectacles that they are also highly likely to be wearing sandals accompanied by socks.

Below is photographic proof, much more proof can be seen here.

Pete Graham xXx

What ever happened to Son of Dork? Ticket Out of Loserville was a brilliant song!

Pete Graham xXx

It’s been a while since my last rules of soaps article, but I’ve been doing a lot of soap watching recently and have observed some interesting new rules.

Hanky Panky Rule 1 – STD Rule
If you’re having an affair or you have nookie with someone you shouldn’t you are 8 times more likely to get a sexually transmitted disease than normal. Once you have the disease you’re also very likely to accidentally pass it onto everyone in your family with hilarious consequences.

Hanky Panky Rule 2 – Conception Rule
This is a variation on ‘Hanky Panky Rule 1’: if you’re having an affair you are 12 times more likely to get pregnant than normal. If you’re a school girl and have sex you are 17 times more likely to get pregnant; don’t worry if this happens you can just claim you’re fat for 9 months then let your mum/aunt/big-sister pretend it’s her baby for 16 or so years.

Baby Rule 1 – Paternity Rule
If you do get pregnant you never know who the father is, of course the sensible thing would be to do a paternity test, but in soap-land people think it’s more fun just to guess! What I’d love to see is a soap-chatshow crossover where the members of Hollyoaks could go on the Jeremy Kyle show. FACT: If ever made this would be the greatest program in the world!

Baby Rule 2 – Car Rule
If a baby is left in the back of a car that car is 19 times more likely to be stolen than another car. The thieves will not realise there’s a baby in the back and will abandon the car once they notice.

That’s all for now soap fans, more rules of soaps coming soon. As always if you have noticed any rules yourself add them to the comments section.

Pete Graham xXx

When did they change the Neighbours credits? Could have been a while ago as I normally fast-forward them, at least they haven’t messed about with them too much, unlike the new raunchy Hollyoaks credits! Personally I find them a bit too much, with all the dancing and wind machines. I normally have to take a lie down after I’ve watched them.

Pete Graham xXx

I’d been getting into my running quite recently, so much so that I’d bought some new trainers and was contemplating running the London Marathon in 2008. Tragically, this may never happen as I managed to aggravate my long-standing knee injury last Saturday.

I was hanging out at Hell, Wolverhampton’s premier emo club, I decided to attempt a jumping scissor-kick. The kick was amazing, undoubtedly the greatest dance-move pulled off that night, apparently it made me look much like a young Davey Havok! Unfortunately on landing, I slipped on the dance floor, my left knee gave way and buckled beneath me.

The most upsetting thing is that no-one videoed it, if they had I could have gained world wide fame on YouTube by now, or at least have got featured on You’ve Been Framed. Pictured below Johnny Borrell from Razorlight practicing some Kung-Fu.

I am going to attempt some weight lifting at the gym tonight but think any running is out of the question for the next few weeks, at least. Any suggestions for potential hobbies, would be appreciated in the meanwhile.

Pete Graham xXx

Last week I managed to get my grubby hands on some of the limited edition Guinness Marmite, which is available at the moment. Now it is quite similar in taste to the original spread, however being a Man of Science I was curious to find out, could I correctly identify the difference between the spreads in a taste test.

As a bank holiday weekend activity Kit Graham, Marmite Enthusiast, and I setup this experiment. Identical pieces of toast were prepared one was spread with Guinness Marmite and the other with ‘Classic’ Marmite.

I had my initially hunches which was the Guinness marmite; one piece of toast seemed to be slightly darker in colour, but this could just be a trick of the light, the real test would be in the eating! Both myself and Kit were able to correctly identify the different varieties of Marmite, the Guinness variety has a smoother flavour and isn’t as sharp on the pallet as the classic version of the spread.

In conclusion I would say that Guinness Marmite is a welcome edition to the Marmite family, although I think you’re hard pushed to beat the original. With it’s smoother flavour you probably need slightly more Marmite than you’re used to using making it a slightly less economic option.

Pete Graham xXx

Why do they have to mess about with the clocks twice every year. I couldn’t get a kebab last night because the take-away I went to stops serving food at 5 at least the club stayed open to 4 o’clock (which would be 3 o’clock by non daylight saving time).

What I’d like to see them do is move the clocks forward 30 minutes and then just leave them alone forever, that would be ace!

Pete Graham xXx