I was looking for pictures of Heavy Metal God Rob Halford the other day and I found myself on RobHalford.com. Below is a screen shot of the homepage which at the time of writing this has a link at the bottom which reads: “Click Below to Enter RobHalford.com”. Is it just me or is someone having a joke here? I wonder how many people have entered Rob Halford (.com) today?

Click the image above to see it full sized.

Coming soon: Pete Graham’s Top 5 Rob Halford quotes! Here’s a link to Highly Homoerotic #1.
Pete Graham xXx

Comedian Brian Posehn has got a video up on Youtube for a song called “Metal By Numbers“. In the video he parody’s many bands and the genre in general.

I was only finding it mildly amusing until around 3:20 into when the song goes into the “mosh” part. Brian comes out with the brilliant quote: “…lookout for the screamo kids trying out their karate kicks, dude you look gaytarded”.

Gaytarded is officially my new favourite portmanteau (Gay + Retarded) it replaces my previous favourite Beardos (Beard + Wierdos). I also enjoy the line “I wish everbody would put their shirts back on, its kinda gross” and the fact that there’s a guy on a horse dressed like a barbarian in the moshpit.

There is a superb parody/tribute to the Megadeth video “Peace Sells who’s buying” at 3:55. “Peace Sells..” is one of my favourite heavy metal videos of all time, if you’ve never watched it I demand that you go and do it now! Unfortunately the quality of the video on Youtube isn’t very good.

“I want to watch the news!” – “this is the news”

Pete Graham xXx

Tom Owen is this Weeks Wally of the Week. Tom Owen’s latest in a long line of death defying stunts was to show the amazing strength of his prodigious abs. He lay on the ground while a 4×4 truck carrying 20 youths was put on top on him for 30 seconds. This foolish stunt ended up hospitalising Mr Owen whose injury’s included broken ribs and internal bleeding. Hopefully Tom has learnt that only Peter Andre has abs mighty enough to withstand this type of punishment!

This story was originally featured in FHM, click here for last weeks Wally of the Week. Also check out my new Wizard of the Week feature.

Pete Graham xXx

Here is my third instalment of my hugely popular Rules of Soaps series.

House Rule 1 – Adoption Rule
In soap land it seems that people seem to be able to adopt children at a drop of the hat. Often people adopt other people’s children for very sketchy reasons. No adoption papers are even signed and the kids just move straight in. Great examples of this are Susan Kennedy and Harold Bishop from neighbours both of which have adopted over one hundred children. Is no-one even slightly suspicious why an old man enjoys having young boys living in his house so much?

House Rule 2 – Tardis
With all these Children moving in you’d wonder where there’s space for them all. The Neighbours script writers cunningly get around this by rarely showing any other rooms rather than the (joint) living-room kitchen. With the viewer blissfully unaware of the size of the house, it can magically grow or shrink to suit its inhabitants.

House Rule 3 – Ownership
Its often very unclear who owns which houses in Soaps, even when it is known completely random people will end up living in peoples homes. A good example is Jenae and the whole Timmins family living at Lyn and Joe Scully’s house in Neighbours.

I’ve no idea who is supposed to own “Beckers Flat” in Hollyoakes:

• Jake is unemployed with a baby so is unlikely to be paying the mortgage
• Becker is in prison for being a paedo
• Nancy is a school girl without a job
• In fact the only person who could have been paying the rent is the comedy stripper character and he left the other day.

At a guess I’d say maybe Tony owns it as he owns most other things.

Radio Station Rule(s)
A short but incredibly true rule, if there is a college radio station absolutely everyone in the soap will listen to it. Even people that have nothing to do with the College, will fanatically listen to the station every time its on.

I’d like to congratulate all the readers who have contributed their own rules of soaps so far, let’s have any other ones you have added to this post. Here are links to Rule of Soaps Part 1 and Part 2 encase you missed them.

Pete Graham xXx

Beer and BBQ enthusiast Stuart Graham wrote to me at the weekend explaining the mysterious lack of Grolsch which has been affecting the Ironbridge area recently. After much investigation I’ve discovered what caused this. Readers with a nervous dispositions may want to look away, the image below is highly upsetting and traumatic.

Pete Graham xXx

Last week I wrote about how I was having difficulty coming up with a word that suitably conveyed the opposite of Wally. Phillip Evans suggested the word wizard, now I don’t believe that wallys and wizards are mutually exclusive groups, however I do like the idea of running a Wizard of the Week section so here it is!

I am proud to announce that the first Pete Graham Wizard of the Week is Harry Potter. The 7th and final Harry Potter book will be published on Saturday 21st of July at 1 minute past midnight. The book is titled Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, they’re plenty of rumours about what happens in this book but very few concrete details. J.K Rowling, the series author has stated that she has no plans to write any more novels concerning Harry Potter but may write an encyclopaedia of Wizarding for charity.

J.K.Rowling’s website is a horrible flash based affair. A text only version, if available thankfully. I was amused to find that J.K Rowling herself runs a Wizard of the Month section. It appears that she only picks wizards from her own books which seems a little self absorbed, I however will be picking from the all the wizards in the universe.

A few years ago the Sun wrote what I thought was the best pun I had every seeen. At the time J.K Rowling had just signed an exclusive deal letting Coke put Harry Potter on their bottles, the pun read “J.K Rowling in it!”.

This July also will see the release of the fifth Harry Potter Film, The Order of the Phoenix which I predict will be ace. That’s all for today expect more Wizarding shenanigans next week kids.

Pete Graham xXx

I got shown this “Hassel Hoffian Recursion” last week and thought it was absolutely hilarious but slightly disturbing at the same time. Enjoy!

Pete Graham xXx

Martin Hoyle is this weeks “wally or the week”. He was jailed for 12 months after police caught him being buggered by a dog. Martin claimed that “the dog took a liking to him and tried to rape him” he also claimed that the dog had tried to pull his trousers down with his teeth. Hoyle, 46 is an alcoholic like Mel Gibbson.

This story was first covered by the Yorkshire Evening Post, apparently this sort of thing happens all the time Yorkshire. Here’s what Judge Alistair McCallum told Hoyle before he jailed him:
“Never before in my time at the bar or on the bench have I ever had to deal with somebody who
voluntarily allowed himself to be buggered by a dog on the public highway.
Frankly it is beyond most of our comprehension. It is an absolutely
disgusting thing for members of the public to have to witness.”

I like the sound this Judge Alistair McCallum character here is my top 5 list of judges:

1. Judge Dredd
2. Judge John Deed
3. JUDGE (the hardcore band of the late 80’s)
4. Judge Alistair McCallum
5. Judge Jules

I would like to thank my good friend John Atkins for drawing my attention to this story. Here’s a link to last weeks wally.
Pete Graham xXx

We all know that balance is important, without hate there is no love, without darkness there is no light. Most weeks I name a Wally of the Week this is normally a person that’s done something idiotic or generally behaved like a buffoon. Now it did strike me that to achieve a balance I should start writing articles about people that do ace stuff each week, in essence an “Anti-Wally”.

Now I was contemplating this last night but couldn’t come up with a word in my enormous vocabulary that suitably conveyed an individual that is the opposite of a Wally. If you could post your any suggestions in the comments I would appreciate it.

Pictured above is Odlaw, he was Wally’s nemesis in the popular illustrated children’s “Where’s Wally” books and in many ways the opposite of Wally.

• FACT: Americans Call Wally from “Wheres Wally” Waldo
• FACT: These Americans are wrong!
• FACT: Wally appears for a singular frame in racist Mel Gibbsons new film Apolcalypto, a screenshot can bee seen on the “Where’s Wally” Wikipedia page
• FACT: Jew hating Mel Gibbson had a beautiful Mullet in the 80s and early 90s, these days he’s a alcoholic

Pete Graham xXx