Here is a new feature that I shall be running explaining my personal stance on a number of subjects and the reasons I have chosen this particular viewpoint. Today I shall be writing about my stance towards spelling and grammar.

I’ll be one of the first people to admit that my spelling isn’t one of my greatest abilities, I’m well aware that I’m never going to win an American style Spelling Bee. Recently some of my older readers have been complaining that my spelling and grammar is sometimes incorrect, now I can understand how it may be irritating to read something with errors, however I would like these readers to consider I normally write this blog in my lunch break, this doesn’t give me much time considering I have to fit in eating lunch and washing up my dishes as well.

I fully understand the importance of correct spelling, punctuation and grammar. If I was writing a CV, essay or dissertation then I would check these things much more carefully, in fact I’d probably get someone else look over them for me too. However bare in mind I write this blog in my spare time for entertainment I don’t want it to become a job or a chore.

If it bothers you that much then don’t bother reading it, or even better go and write an article educating people abut correct spelling and grammar, if you do I promise I would read it. I’m always far happier seeing people trying to make a difference rather than just criticising.

Now as many of you are aware I am a big fan of self-improvement therefore I would like to state that if anyone lends me a copy of Eats Shoots and Leaves I will read it and make a conscious effort to improve the quality or grammar found on this blog.

Pete Graham xXx

After the run away success of Rules of Soaps Part 1 here is the much anticipated sequel!

Door Rule: People will open the front-door to leave when someones about to knock on the door to come in thus preventing an awkward scenario with just one actor in the room.

Addiction Rule: You can become an alcoholic or develop a drug habit in a staggeringly short amount of time, you can also recover amazingly quickly and never relapse. See Karl Kennedy, Kataya and Stingray from Neighbours and O.B from Hollyoaks for examples.

Relative Rule: Mystery relatives who have never been mentioned before often just turn up “to see how people are” they then end up moving in and becoming regular characters. Horse faced Ned from Neighbours and Tony’s brother in Hollyoaks are recent examples.

Job Rule: It seems hardly anyone interviews for a job, they just get offered one out of the blue and start the same day. Also no-one ever has to write a CV or provide references from previous employers. The only exception to this is when the script writers want to run a hilarious interview scene as was seen with the new girl in Neighbours being interviewed by Susan a few weeks ago.

I was slacking on my Neighbours watching last week but I’m going to try and commandeer the Telly tonight and catch up with my viewing. Expect more rules soon soaps fans and remember to add your own rules to the comments section.

Pete Graham xXx

Pete Burns is this weeks Wally of the Week for suing a plastic surgeon for giving him lip injections that made his lips too big. Apparently Pete’s big lips left him feeling “physically repulsive” and “suicidal”. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure having plastic surgery go wrong is an upsetting and traumatic experience, however I think Pete suing for his lips is like Jordan suing a plastic surgeon for back-pain caused by her giant jugs.

I would like to point out that I am a big fan of the Dead or Alive back catalogue especially “you spin me round (like a record)”. Below is a picture of a Potato made to look like Pete Burns, I think the likeness is quite striking. You can find many more potato look-alikes on The Starchy Gallery.

Click here for last weeks wally.

• FACT: Holly Valance was in a film last year based on the video game Dead Or Alive.
• FACT: Holly Valance should go back to staring in Neighbours
• FACT: Holly Valance guest vocals on the Har Mar Superstar Album “The Handler”

Pete Graham xXx

Quite simply if your at a gig or listening to some music and start thinking to yourself “ooohh that’s a bit loud” then you are officially old and not down with the kids any more, go get yourself a pipe and slippers granddad.

This rule also works in a 2nd more subtle way. When you get extremely old you often start to go deaf and have the TV on super loud. So if your listening to Coronation Street on full blast then its highly likely your too old.

Pictured above Charles Darwin, he was an old man.

• FACT: Charles Darwin was lived in Shrewsbury
• FACT: They have built a bizarre monument in Shrewbury called Darwin’s gate which caused controversy with the locals
• FACT: Posh people pronounce Shrewsbury Shrowse-bury
• FACT: Old Folk are useless they can’t use computers

Pete Graham xXx

I decided to dye my hair white at the weekend to give me an even more Metrosexual edge. As a man of science I will also be analysing the amount of fun I have in order to determine if Blondes do have more fun.

Below if a classic mySpace style above the head camera shot. In fact its so mySpazz I think I’ll stick it on my profile.

Here’s another shot of me sitting in my office, where I crank out the code for phuser. For full effect you may want to look at the photo while listening to “Step into My Office Baby” by Belle and Sebastian.

I found out over Christmas that my mother didn’t know what the word Metrosexual meant. I thought it was one of the words like “Chav” and “Bling” that had gained mainstream adoption in recent years. So just for you Kit Graham here is a link to the definition for Metrosexual on Wikipedia. I am working on a list of top tips of how to be a Metrosexual which I shall be posting soon.

Pete Graham xXx

I was very excited this morning to wake up to find it had been snowing. Sadly I haven’t had a chance to build any snowmen, throw any snowballs or do any sledging as I am in work, such is the life of the young professional. Below is a picture of the mighty Corolla looking a lot whiter than normal (it hasn’t been cleaned in over 6 months).

It will be interesting to see if the icy conditions bring cause as much havoc as the wind did last week. What I’m wondering now is what freak weather conditions we will have for next week. Personally I’m well up for putting some speedos on and getting amongst some floods!

Pete Graham xXx

Now as I have mentioned before on this blog I am a big follower of Canine Fashion, my hot dog style tip for 2007 (not to be confused with my hotdog style tip which is ketchup and onions) is to dress your dog as a giant bumble bee. I discovered this amazing style tip-off on my new favourite website in the world beedogs.com. The website contains over 75 different dogs dressed as bee’s and in my opinion is sheer comic genius!

Above is a picture of one of the dogs from the site. Now normally I know I am a bigger fan of cats than dogs which is why I would like to point all the feline fans to the very good stuffonmycat.com. As the name suggests the website is a collection of pussies with various things balanced on top of them. Now I must talk to Elliott Russell as we once managed to balance 2 N64 controllers, 4 cartridges and a rumble pack on top of his cat and I’m sure he’s got a photo of it somewhere.

To finish of here is a picture of a dog dressed as an English gentleman which I found very funny.

Pete Graham xXx

Here is a list of rules that seems to apply to soaps operas (especially Neighbours, and Hollyoaks). I have observed these rules over my many dedicated years of soap following.

Break-up Rule: “I never want to see you again” This actually means I’m angry and we wont make up until next episode. Also “We’re breaking up for good” often means we’ll break up until next episode. See Russ and Mercedes from Hollyoaks for a recent example of this.

Prison Rule 1 - Same Cell: If anyone two people from a soap are in prison at the same time they are bound to be in the same wing of the same prison. Often they will even get to share a cell. Recent examples are Becker and Jacqui McQueen from Hollyoaks. Older examples are when Lou and Darcy from Neighbours got put in the same cell (Darcy had grown a goatee because that’s what people do in prison).

Pictured above Darcy without a goatee.

Prison Rule 2 - One in One Out: Neighbours seems to operate a one in one out policy on prisons and Darcy was released after sharing his cell with Lou for a few weeks. Roco is currently in prison so next time someone goes down he’ll probably be allowed out.

Moving and Coma Rule: If any one moves away but continues to get scene’s (i.e. they are filmed on the phone to a character still in the soap), they are bound to return. Also if anyone is ever put into a Coma it’s guaranteed they will wake-up in a few months time.

Please add your own Soap Rules to the comments section. There will be more Soap Rules next week!

Pete xXx

I was having trouble getting any work done this morning as my PC kept resetting when the power cut out at our offices. I decided to take an early lunch and head over to Cranleigh to draw out the deposit I needed to put down on my new house.

The drive there was a treacherous one, many tree’s had been felled by the wind and some of the roads were partially flooded. Thankfully I was able to brave these conditions in my trusty Corolla. On my way from Dunsfold to Cranleigh I encountered four cars which had been in accidents and broken down. There were almost a few more accidents as I travelled out as some idiots were attempting ridiculous manoeuvres to get past various emergency vehicles, thankfully I have the reflexes of a cat so was able to avoid these buffoons.

When I got to the bank all their systems had been crashed by the power outages. The staff at the bank informed me that I couldn’t take out any money until they could check my balance, the only way to do this without their computers was to ring another branch and their phones were out as well. Eventually the manager at the bank decided that he would make an exception an allow me to have the money without checking my balance.

On my way back the police had blocked the original road I had come down so I had to take a detour to get back to the office. I’ve just been informed now that there’s a large tree blocking the A281 hopefully this will have been moved before when I head home this afternoon.

Pictured above Davey Havoc from A.F.I, he didn’t have anything to do with this post I just like his haircut

Pete Graham xXx

Some comedy character has been modifying the Wikipedia page for Cheryl Cole from Girls Aloud. At the time of writing her Wikipedia page currently reads:

“Cheryl Ann Cole, neé Tweedy, (born 30 June 1983) is an English singer and member of the girl group Girls Aloud. She is married to the Chelsea and England footballer Ashley Cole, the marriage is one of convenience due to Cole being a homosexual and Tweedy being a racist.”

Haha below is a picture of the famous couple.

Pete Graham xXx