My sources tell me that C2 has returned! Apparently there is an offer in the sun giving away 4 packs for free. Well you need to give that shit away no-one gonna buy that piss in a can.

I was out in Hammersmith last night, the bar/club I was in didn’t have a cloak room and some chump stole my jacket, grrrhhhh. Whoever you are you know your not gonna pull that jacket off as well as Pete Graham!

I have been thinking about buying a pet recently, thinking I’ll probably buy a giant tortoise so it can double as a coffee table.

Pete xXx

I received quite a bit of feedback about my last blog entry complementing me on my excellent Becks Vier pun, therefore todays entry will contain a number or high quality puns for your enjoyment.

It’s been in the news this week that some free-range eggs being sold in Britain may in fact be scummy battery farmed eggs. Quite frankly when I read about this I was disgusted, I mean could someone eggsplain to me how this could happen? Nutritionists argue that free-range eggs are better for our health, animal rights protesters campaign that it is kinder to the animals to let them roam free. Therefore free-range eggs are more eggspensive. It makes me eggstremely angry to think that I may have paid eggtortionate prices for organic free-range eggs when in fact I was eating battery farmed poo.

It sickens me that charlatans would try and sell fraudulent eggs to the unsuspecting public, is nothing sacred anymore! Surely a crime so ghastly as this is just cause to bring back hanging! I have decided the only way to avoid mistakenly eating battery eggs is to stop eating chicken eggs entirely. I am planing to swap and start eating Ostrich eggs instead.

FACT: Ostrich’s are too big to be but in cages so you can’t battery farm their eggs.
FACT: You can’t argue with the facts!

If anyone can recommend a retailer that sells hight quality Orstrich eggs then please pass their details onto me. To read more about the Eggs scandal click here. Feel free to add your own egg puns in the comments section. Also if you would like to drop any of the puns I used in this article into conversation to impress your friend/family/co-workers then be my guest, I stole most of them from childrens TV and Christmas cracker anyway.

Pete xXx

Regular Becks beer seems to have disappeared recently and has been replaced by some strange beverage named Becks Vier. Becks Vier is being advertised quite heavily at the moment, all the adverts I’ve seen revolve around the number 4 and the concept that the drink is 4% alcohol. These billboards sent shivers up my spine when I first saw them as they reminded me of the dreadful Carling C2 larger of a few years ago (officially worst drink ever). Cs’s gimmick was it had only 2% alcohol so you can drink more of it and drive, legally. Not a bad concept unfortunately it tasted of stale piss (even more so than “classic” Carling) so it bombed, haha! A 4% beer however is neither particular strong or weak so the plot thickens..

Now Vier means 4 in German, a quick bit of Google research also reveals that Becks Vier is brewed using only 4 ingredients, this is starting to make a bit more sense. But the adverts do not draw attention to either of these facts they just push the Number 4 gimmick in general. Does this advertising work? does it somehow embed a deep rooted urge to purchase Vier somewhere in your sub-concious? Well it worked on me as I bought a crate of Vier from the Supermarket the other day.

When I got home to drink my Vier’s I was disgusted to find the cans were vier-y small, only 375ml! There seems to be a disturbing trend these days with selling beers in cans/bottles of decreasing sizes. Take the recent Grolsch Dutch bottles campaign. Yes look at the bottles lovely embossed logo on the side, hopefully you’ll get so distracted that you’ll not notice that its only 300ml! Are Grolsch suggesting dutch people are midgets or that they just can’t drink?

Any way back to the Viers.. 375 seems a very non-standard can size. You’d think if they really wanted to push the whole “Number 4″ thing they’d have made the cans 444ml. Stella had it right a few years ago when they started making pint size cans.. Ah you can’t go wrong with Stella, well until you beat your wive an she leaves you.

Pete xXx

I was in the car on my way home the other day listening to the radio because my iPod is broken (bloody Steve Jobs, but that’s a rant for another day), the presenter on the show was talking about the environmental problems the world faces and how we should all be doing our bit to stop wasting energy. I’m all up for us doing our bit for the Planet, I used to watch Captain Planet[1], it was a great show! Suggested ways or saving energy were switching your TV off instead of having it on standby and only plugging your phone in until it’s charged. Now telling people to do these things is fine but how many of them are actually going to bother doing it and how long for? I’ll tell you: Not many and not for long!

Surely, surely we’d be far better of if Mobile phones were designed to stop using electricity once they’ve charged and if TVs actually just switch off instead of going on standby. I remember being lectured at school about not leaving the TV on standby so its not like its a new problem. I’m not talking about getting up and switching the TV off at the button like a man from the Past, why can’t they design a TV so the remote control can switch the TV off and on?

What is it exactly that we “Standing-by” for? Its almost as if the manufacturers are trying to trick us into wasting energy! If the devices were designed to automatically not waste energy then people wouldn’t need to think about it. I’m sure they are technicalities involved but you’d think some clever engineer somewhere could come up with a solution.

Anyway that’s my rant over until next time THE POWER IS YOURS!

[1] For those of you too young to remember Captain Planet he was a big blue buff guy that could fly and loved tree’s, the environment, recycling, that sort of thing. Captain Planet had a crew called The Planeteers who all had magical rings (ooh urrr), and when they touched their rings magical things would happen. As I said it was a great show. Captain Planet was similar in many ways to Toxic Crusaders another Action Cartoon from the mid-nineties where the good guys battled pollution.

What’s all this about then Pete?

Yes well this will be the first personal website that I’ve run since the Pete Graham website of the late 90’s (it was very popular in its day I tell you!).

As a website developer I decided it was about time I had more of a web presence than just my MySpace page. Instead of coming up with some ridiculous ideas for a series of sizes that will never materialise (world of pete anyone?) I decided that I’d start a Blog an would see if I could stick to it.

Over the course of the next few weeks I will be putting in entries about the thoughts, life and general ramblings of Pete Graham.

Anyway one thing that’s amused me greatly today is Urban Dictionary, especially this definition of the popular phrase: “Get your Rat Out”

ps. Tryed finding a link to the Old Pete Graham site using http://www.archive.org/ upsettingly it doesn’t work.

• Pete Graham currently works as a Web Developer in Surrey
• Pete Graham grew up in historic town of Ironbridge, whenever he returns the townsfolk rejoice!
• Pete Graham’s interests include pointy shoes, pumping iron and travelling at speed.
• When Pete Graham grows up he’d like to be a professional wrestler as he like the idea of wearing speedos to work.
• Pete Graham is a huge fan of the (hilarious) Police Academy film series.